The struggle of always wanting to strive for perfection is probably something that so many of us can relate to, especially me. What a great deal of people who identify with being a perfectionist don’t realize is that majority of time it starts from childhood, but we don’t grasp the complexities of how it effects our mental health until we become adults.
A perfectionist is defined as someone who has exceedingly high standards in everything they do and can be overly critical of themselves or a term to describe how someone approaches tasks and challenges in their life. Common traits look like:
- Someone who has a fear of failure and makes no room for mistakes
- Highly self-critical
- Sets unrealistic expectations
If you can relate to any of the previous traits mentioned, you may struggle with perfectionism. Being perfect is an ideal some people may feel they are required to attain, but is perfection realistic? Here are some ways striving for perfection affects our mental health.
- Anxiety and depression are common result factors of perfectionism and can contribute to the way we view and think our ourselves. The two of these can cause us to beat ourselves up and fixate on negative self-thought or criticism. Making it hard to move forward when things don’t work out according to how we plan.
- Harsh self-judgement comes from not faulting others but targeting ourselves. Picking ourselves a part on what we believe we could or should have done better. When in reality no one is perfect, and we all make mistakes.
- People Pleasing is another symptom of perfectionism. Not only are perfectionist high achievers, but also struggle with not wanting to disappoint those around them and caring about how others think.
- Perfectionism does not enhance our productivity, it delays it. Procrastination arises with the fear of not feeling good enough, leaving projects unfinished, and over focused.
Adult figures in our life can impact the way we view success. Even when they have good intentions, having parents or adult figures who pushed you to always be your best can impact the feeling of always needing to be perfect.
The Difference between Healthy Striving vs. Perfectionism
| Healthy Striving | Perfectionism |
|---|---|
| Once you achieve your goal, you celebrate your wins big or small | Once you achieve your goal, your next thought is “what’s next” |
| You enjoy the process and learn from the outcome | Never satisfied by anything less than perfection |
| Bounce back from disappointment or failure | Overly self-critical and dwells on disappointment |
| Self – Focused (working on goals based on values, wants, and desires) | Others – Focused (worry what others will think, believe, and feel about them) |
| You feel good about yourself | You often feel like you aren’t doing enough |
For those who might be struggling with perfectionism, here are some great affirmations to help disrupt negative self-thinking and bring you back to a positive thought process:
My mistakes create incredible opportunities for learning and growth.
I will detach from the outcome and focus on finding joy in the process.
I am resilient and capable of bouncing back from setbacks.
I am confident in myself and my abilities.
My worth is not dependent on the opinions of others.
I am worthy and valuable.
With love,
Desi
